Fucking Geminis

On Today’s agenda of Dating A Fucking Gemini: His Sweet Little Notes. Admittedly, they’ve grown on me. But dating Gemi has been a huge process of understanding his love language. You know, the ones that tell you if your partner’s language is words of affirmation, physical touch, or whatever the fuck. His is Asshole. Yes, you read correctly. Gemi’s love language is legit, Asshole. "Fuck you", basically means "I love you". "Then fucking leave", means "just love me as I am". And "Little Bitch Ass", means "babe", "baby", etc. With that said, you can only imagine what his little love notes include.

Let’s start with Valentine’s 2019. It’s our first Valentine’s ever. I mean ever. Like he’s never had a Valentine, I never had a Valentine, and the bitch we were dating at the time supposedly never had a Valentine either. So this is new to us. I try to be cute. I buy sexy lingerie to wear for them, I put candles on the table, I make spaghetti and meatballs (came out horrible btw. Have you ever had the problem of being a great cook until you’re trying to show off? Happens to me all the fucking time). Anyway, I put on a whole show for these bitches. Yes, both of them. No I don’t care how you feel about me calling a female a bitch. I call him a bitch too. This is the way.

So, I’m super excited for my first Valentine. They come by in the same car. Everything is beautiful. He gets me flowers! Gemi hates flowers. He thinks they're stupid. He has this whole thing about how they just die anyway, so there’s no point in buying them. And, honestly, I agree. But he’s so adamant about the concept of buying flowers being stupid that he literally bought his mom a cactus for her birthday, because that shit never dies. So here I am, super touched that he bought me a whole bouquet of flowers, completely going against his beliefs, just to make Valentine’s special for me. My heart is bursting with affection. Guess what the little card said?

If you guessed a detailed cartoon of a middle finger, you were correct! At least, it said “Love You”. I admit it was cute. Gemi and his little love notes always have a little flavor. That flavor is something between bitter and sour. Like his cooking. I’m just kidding guys. That kid cooks some fire ass food. Like sometimes when I think of leaving, I remember the bomb ass steak he makes me, and I’m like fuck it, I’ll stay. Again, Joking! I stay, because I love him.

So back to his love notes. This one is from the other day. Like less than a week ago. Gemi’s been complaining about this really shitty knot in his shoulder. So I decide to be nice, even though I think he’s being dramatic. Yeah, I said it. He knows how I feel. Love you, Gemi <3. Anyway, on my lunch break, I stop by Rite Aide to get him some Epsom Salt. It’s supposed to help with muscle soreness and what knot. See what I did there? Probably Knot. Anywayy, enough punny business. I get the Epsom Salt. I bring it to his house. He tells me to take it upstairs real quick (He lives in a second floor apartment) and he appears at the door, in a rush. I don’t know why he’s in a rush, but it’s kind of normal for this weirdo. So I hand him the salt really quick. In return, he hands me a chalk label. I ask him what it’s for and he answers,

“Go, go, go” with a goofy little smile on his face. I roll my eyes and head out. I get back to my car, sit down, start it, and look at the lovely little sign. Any guesses?

Yup. A lovely, little “Fuck You (:”. In Gemi’s language, that means “thank you”. Apparently. I admit, it made me giggle. He’s endearing in his own little assaholic way. In fact, I loved it so much, I put it on my dashboard so I can think of what an asshole Gemi is every time I sit in my car.